I woke up at 4 am this morning.
I have been told by some doctors, that waking in the middle of
the night to urinate is a sign of kidney malfunction (though
I am not sure if they called it malfunction. malfunction sounds
a bit to much like something that would happen to a CD player).
I always found this to be bullshit.
I always wanted to ask the doctors, "but what if you drank like a
gallon, say, of water before bed? wouldn't it mean your kidneys
were NOT functioning properly if you went eight or ten hours without
using the bathroom?". I never asked this. I have had some bad
dealings with doctors. I once ended up strapped to a hospital bed.
This occurred when I thought to question the doctors diagnosis.
According to him and the emergency room nurses I was over dosing
on heroin. According to me, if I was alert enough to ask why
I needed two shots of Narcan, I was most certainly not over
dosing. I also argued that sitting up in bed was a sure sign I was
going to "pull through" this!
They didn't find it convincing.
In fact they found it threatening. I think it was the five or six
times I threw the fuck word around. Or maybe my attempt to sit
up in bed and walk away.
Security was called and I was strapped by all four limbs to a bed.
Then came the two shots of Narcan ( a drug used to throw the body
into opiate withdraw by ripping the opiate off of the opiate
receptors. ever seen pulp fiction? they hit Uma Thurman in the
chest with Narcan when she OD's).They hit me in each thigh.
about four minutes later I was shaking and crying. trying to get
out of those damn straps. I was pleading with anyone in earshot
to help me, "as a human being I am begging you. please let me out
of these fucking straps. I won't go anywhere. I promise.". This didn't
did not work. I was told if I wanted to get out of them I needed to
be calm for a half hour.
Anyone who has ever been shot with Narcan. knows how impossible
this is. My heart was beating like a drum, very hard, very fast.
I tried to just lie there and cry quietly.
Meanwhile, The asshole security guard who had secured me to the bed,
kept walking over and standing above me. not saying anything. just there
to see the show I guess. He was a young guy. My age most likely.
I figured he was a pervert, or thought I was cute. no one was telling
him to watch me. In most cases I would have been calling him a
rent a cop or a pig. I was trying to get off early for good
behavior though. so I just looked away.
I had been watching the clock while the weirdo security pig
was breathing over me. When thirty minutes came, I guess I expected
immediate release, like the straps would open themselves or something.
When an hour came, I thought I should ask a nurse. Then I realized that
was a bad idea. after two and a half hours, I heard her tell the pig
security guard to let me out.
While the pig let me out he spoke finally. "So I hope you know
you can change and......" blah blah blah.
I was ready to spit on the guy. I was ready to tell him to get a
real job. A job with meaning. A job that required independent
thought. A job that a pig COULDN'T do better than him.
Instead of telling him this, I just looked mad and said "yeah,
thanks for the advice.". For once in my life, I had learned my
lesson about talking back.
Anyway, now when doctors tell me something, I use that tactic.
I say "yeah, thanks for the advice." as I have learned question them
doesn't seem to serve my best intrests.
So when I woke up at four am to pee, I just assumed my kidneys
were working fine. I assumed it was my body telling me its time to
to get up. fucking kidneys. I am currently treating them to coffee.